Silence & Pain
by PurplePunkette
Summary: After getting kicked of TDA and her break-up with Duncan,Courtney goes into a silent retreat as she undergoes her past and pain. WARNING: Extreme angst,some violent scenes,language,and abuse!


I was screaming insults,lawsuits,and many swear words as they pushed Owen inside with me in the Lamosine.

"I AM GONNA SUE THE SHIT OFF THIS SHOW! YOU BETTER KNOW THAT YOU MOTHER FUCKING BASTARDS!!"I shrieked. No one heard me of course, but Owen who was cringing and whimpering. After about 10 minutes of screaming at no one, I quieted down. The lamosine was silent as a graveyard.

"......You know you were going to be voted out sooner or later,"Owen murmured,his hands in his lap as he looked down.

My head snapped up in surprise,"What did you say, Owen?"

The blonde looked up with sad honesty,"No one liked you that much,to be truthful as can truthful can be,you were being rude to everyone and...."He trailed off.

I sighed,"Go on."

Owen gulped,"You were stuck-up,snobbish,rude to people who were nice to you,um,jerkish,and really really selfish like so incredibly selfish that I don't know what to say! I mean you were just-"

The Lam-o-sine jerked to stop sending them foward to hit the backs of the front seats. My thoughts were sent scrambling. Owen's words rebounding in my head over and over like a broken record.

_Stuck-up..._

_Stuck up..._

_Snob...._

_Rude...._

_A jerk....._

_Jerk...._

_Jerk..._

_Selfish.........._

Tears pricked in my eyes.

I wasn't mean, I wasn't selfish. I wasn't! I really wasn't.....

"Hey everybody! What's new?"Owen yelled. I looked up. We were at Playa De Losers. All the TDI/TDA cast(excluding Duncan and Beth) were at the front waiting to greet us. Or Owen actually because when I walked up all I recieved were glares or eye rolling. I even heard Sadie whisper to Katie,mockingly,"Oh looky, Kate, the mean bitch is gifting us with her presence!"

Heat flooded my face and I felt sick to my stomach. Glares suddenly seemed like daggers piercing me and whispers felt like blows. I staggered a bit when walking through the door, as pain and rejection flowed through my body. I hadn't expected a huge welcome party, but I had no idea that they would give me the cold of the maids saw me,grimaced,then pulled out a key card for my room,and briskly said,"Third floor, fourth door, down on the right."

I nodded as I caught the elevator going up. I tried to relax but I kept remembering their cold,icy glares. I shuddered.

_It's okay Court keep yourself in check, its totally fine they dont wanna be my friends I don't care! Their loss, not mine. And friends...friends.....friends just slow you down on your way to victory! Yea that's it!_

_Victory all right!!_

The elevator dinged as I reached my floor.

Tears fell down my face as the bitter taste of "victory" sat on my tongue.

I raced down the hall to my room and hurriedly opened the door. The door slammed shut. Bags dropped to the floor. My knees felt the carpet underneath them. My head hit the ground hard. Everything became fuzzy. Flashes claimed my vision and hearing.

* * *

_"You have to win! You have to win everything! You are a disgrace if you cannot claim victory!"_

_"Yes,Mother,"I said politely._

_Mother stared at me,menacingly,then yanked me by my shirt,"Don't lose to anyone or anything Courtney Marie! Otherwise you'll find being a loser,quite unpleasant..."_

_"I-I-I-I d-d-idn't mean it,D-D-Daddy! I-I-I'm so sorry!!"_

_SMACK!_

_I crumpled on the ground,cheek burning and swollen._

_"You stupid bitch! You lose so easily! You're weak! Spineless! Worthless!.."_

_More insults came and the pain spread throughout my body._

_I was then carried to a door. The big,horrible door. So many times its mocked me..._

_"No! No! No Daddy! Please! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"I screamed._

_My father carelessly tossed me through the door and down the dark basement steps._

_My screams went unheard and my eyes were blinded by dark._

_The pain did not subside and I was lost. Lost in a vast sea of never ending pain,suffering,and darkness...._

_Screaming did not help my tormenters._

_It did not help at all._

_Because what I needed was a savior._

_"One cut for failing"My arm was set aflame._

_"One for not fighting back" My belly was slit open._

_I screamed and fought but my parents held me down harder._

_"One for losing"_

_"One for being the loser"_

_"Two for being a disgrace"_

_Soon both my arms,thighs,stomach,wrists,and upper chest were bleeding openly._

_They walked out of the room,leaving their own and only daughter limp as a rag doll,bleeding on the floor._

_Not caring._

_Because they caused it._

_Because she lost._

_They glared and stared as I walked down the hall._

_Some scurried away from me._

_Others whispered openly about me._

_I held my head up high as I marched through the school hallway._

_But inside I was breaking._

_I was completely and utterly rejected._

_In public and in private._

_But on the outside my cold,hard shell acted as though I was the winner out of all these people._

_Even though I was clearly the loser._

* * *

I gasped. I clumsily stood and tried to get to my bed.

I tried to grip the wall but my hand slipped. I stumbled then my head hit something hard.

Before I blacked out completely I pictured him.

My Duncan.

His jet-black hair,bright green Mohawk,musclular chest,hot body,and his whole bad boy concept that made him so sexy.

And not to forget his piercing teal eyes.

He was such a beautiful illusion that I thought I had died.

I nearly did when I also remembered that my past that had carved me to the way I am now,had ruined my present and my future.

Then darkness overcame me.

**A/N**

**Hey Readers and Writers!**

**I am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so SORRY that I have not updated in MONTHS!!!! I have not been able to write and have been stuck on everything! But the last episode of TDA really really pissed me off so that kinda triggered my writing gene to come back! YAY!!! But I also have been really busy! I mean like a bunchful of things have happened since the summer! For example, I have like TRIPLE the work at school than I did last year,my baby brother was born(Brandon ! Born September 8 2009 12:22pm!!!!),I'm having to help take care of both my brothers(Devon,2,and then Brandon),me and my friends are hanging more,and FINALLY I have a boyfriend now. *blush* Okay anyway this story will be very angsty so just a warning.**

**Um tell me what you think and review please! I also will update Bite Me shortly so don't worry my silly little readers! X3**

**Okay REVIEW!!! PEACE!!!!!!**


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